Angelium: Infrequently Asked Questions

Charles mentions to me the other day, “when you’re doing one of your blogs, you might want to do something on Asswood.” Naturally, I’m now looking into such a fine sounding product. First step, a Google search: “Asswood red angelium” No results. Hmmm. Second search: “ass wood red angelium” The results bring back some guy whose blog title is “Old Man Eats S**t.” So, we’re getting closer. But nothing in The Wood Database, or a number of other directories I’d checked out pertaining to the offensive odor.

In an informal survey, four out of five Santa Monica carnival workers preferred Asswood over Greenheart.

Third Google attempt: “red angelium” provides a number of porn links on the first page. So, I’m starting to think this is a put-on. But one of the links appears to be a legitimate building product touting the use of French Oak and Red Angelium. This is progress…

Charles was talking with a client who had come across a great deal on some angelium. The price was great, but the client brought up the fact that he couldn’t stand to work the stuff because of the highly offensive stench. “Yeah,” Charles tells the guy, “we used to call that red angelium ‘asswood.’ It stinks!” So, I guess we have two votes against. I’ve never been around the stuff…I think I’ll take their words. We don’t offer the stuff, because we don’t like fielding complaints about the stink of wood.

But nothing truly valuable has come of this search. At this writing, it is simply CC telling me that he has smelled the red angelium, and it is quite unpleasant. I’ve heard others say the same thing about Spanish Cedar, but I’ve worked it and found it no more objectionable than Ipe…but I’m biased…horribly allergic to the Ipe. Another tale for another day…